Hobbies

British people pride themselves on being fortunate enough to enjoy a variety of different hobbies and pastimes. When the clock hits 5 o’clock each Friday, signalling the end of the universally accepted 9-5 working week, the nation is free to do whatever they please with whomever they please for two blissfully enjoyable days. One of these hobbies is gardening, a regretfully outdoor-based choice that is often bullied into submission by an abundance of torrential rain and general rationing of sunshine (see Weather). Many Britons prefer instead to stay indoors and practice safer hobbies such as trombone playing, constructing small airplanes out of foam and challenging other family members to the longest-lasting board game in British history, Monopoly.

Those that do venture outside can watch and if desired, take part in, a number of different national sports such as football, cricket and tennis. Unfortunately, these sports are also very much outdoors based, which does beg the question of why exactly they were chosen as national sports when we have such a shockingly poor history of good weather.

The Pub

The pub is at the centre of all British society, a quaint nod to the old-fashioned notion of community spirit. The pub is not just a place to enjoy an ice cold beer, but the hub of the community; the place for gossip, scandal, friendship and a chance to bet on the outcome of which of your friends will win the drunken brawl outside in the car park.

Ideally, the “local” will be located an equal distance from all of your friends houses, requiring only the briefest stumble home to bed in the early hours. The ideal components that make up the pub’s “regulars” should include lively binge-drinking youths enthusiastically downing shots, a number of unchallenged experts at that great British tradition The Pub Quiz and a crazy old man in the corner with a brandy and a Jack Russell. Obviously, a dart board will be available for a leisurely game with the barmaid and the jukebox near the pool table will be loaded with a selection of classic rock that hasn’t seen the light of day in twenty years.

Queuing

Britain is a nation who loves to queue. We will queue for anything; the cinema, bus-stops, fish and chip shops, supermarkets, taxis, anything that could attract a line of people. Although a somewhat bizarre habit, it is the polite thing to do and Britain is the home of politeness. We believe that the person who has waited for something the longest is entitled to receive it first. And with this habit comes one of the countries biggest pet-peeves, queue jumping. If you want to annoy a Briton, push in front of them in the queue at the pub. It is rude, self-indulgent and deeply offensive for a person to think they are above this most sacred custom of our noble country.

Weather no. 2

Occasionally, the British weather will surprise us with a rare and unexpected stretch of sunshine. A barbeque will be held in every back garden in the nation for the entire period of sunshine; complete with Pimms, undercooked sausages and shivering children wrapped in blankets, while the adults force themselves to stay outside until the very last ray of sun has disappeared from the patio. Pavement cafes will be flooded with smug couples leisurely sipping warm white wine. After a week of so of continuous sunshine, the British public will begin to complain about the heat and the state of their front lawn until the rain returns, accompanied by a nation-wide sigh of relief and a return to normal proceedings.

I think both examples need some work but as I love writing, I am really enjoying a chance to improve my skills away from the stress of an essay or dissertation. Just need to work on my accompanying imagery next!

Want this shirt. Very badly.

But for now, I am happy. However, in a couple of weeks (or less) we are getting our dissertation results back which I am dreading more than I can say. Fingers crossed!